A 92-year-old, small, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly [remember he is 92 years of age], even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his write papers write me an essay room was ready. As he managed his walker to the elevator, the nurse provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’ ‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied
Happiness is something… You decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged…
…IT’S HOW I ARRANGE MY MIND. I already decided to love it.
‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, [My medical problems] or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that work.
Each day is a gift, and as long write papers write me an essay as my eyes remain open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away… Just for this time in my life.
Remember…
Every day is like a Bank Account. You can withdraw only from what you’ve put in.
Everyone should deposit A LOT of happiness in the bank account of memories!
Personally I, thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank, which I am still depositing these are 5 simple rules for
Happiness
Free your Heart from HATRED Free your Mind from WORRIES Live A HIGHLY Simple LIFE Develop AN ATTITUDE OF GIVING Develop an Attitude of No Expectation
An angry letter from a young lady made JRD Tata change his company’s RULE
A REAL LIFE STORY …
Sudha was lived when write papers write me an essay a job advertisement posted by a Tata company at the institution where she was completing her post-graduation stated that “Lady Candidates need not apply”. She dashed off a post card to JRD Tata, protesting against the discrimination. Following this, Sudha was called for an interview and she became the first female engineer to work on the shop floor at Telco (now Tata Motors). It was the beginning of an association that would change her life in more ways than one.” There are two photographs that hang on my office wall. Every day when I entered my office I look at them before starting my day. They are pictures of two old people. One is of a gentleman in a blue suit and the other is a black and white image of a man with dreamy eyes and a white beard. People have often asked me if the people in the photographs are related to me. Some have even asked me, “Is this black and white photo that of a Sufi saint or a religious Guru?” I smile and reply “No, nor are they related to me. These people made an impact on my life. I am grateful to them.” “Who are they?” “The man in the blue suit is Bharat Ratna JRD Tata and the black and white photo is of Jamsetji Tata.” “But why do you have them in your office?” “You can call it gratitude.”
Then, invariably, I have to tell the person the following story. It was a long time ago. I was young and bright, bold and idealistic. I was in the final year of my Master’s course in Computer Science at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc) in Bangalore, then known as the Tata Institute.
Life was full of fun and joy. I did not know what helplessness or injustice meant. It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies’ hostel. Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of Science. I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India. One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers, hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc.
At the bottom was a small line: “Lady Candidates need not apply.”
I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination. Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence is not enough to be successful? After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to inform the topmost person in Telco’s management about the injustice the company was committing. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a problem: I did not know who headed Telco. I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually, SumantMoolgaokar was the company’s chairman then). I took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember clearly what I wrote.
“The great Tatas’ have always been pioneers. They are the people who started the basic infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for higher education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender.”
I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at Telco’s Pune facility at the company’s expense. I was taken aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap! I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari. When I look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then they seemed good enough to make the trip. It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city. To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many ways. As directed, I went to Telco’s Pimpri office for the interview. There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was serious business.
“This is the girl who wrote to JRD,” I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The realisation abolished all fear from my mind, so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted. Even before the interview started, I thought the panel was biased, so I told them, rather impolitely, “I hope this is only a technical interview.” They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my attitude. The panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of them.
Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, “Do you know why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research laboratories.“I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited place. I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and their difficulties, so I answered, “But you must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories.”
Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married.It was only after joining Telco that I realised who JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to show some reports to Mr. Moolgaokar, our chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That was the first time I saw “appro JRD”. Appro means “our” in Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay House called him.
I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, “Jeh (that’s what his close associates called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate. She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor.” JRD looked at me. I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it).
Thankfully, he didn’t. Instead, he remarked. “It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is your name?”
“When I joined Telco I was SudhaKulkarni, Sir,” I replied. “Now I am Sudha Murthy.” He smiled and kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room. After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of him.
One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that postcard. Looking back, I realize JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident for him, but not so for me.
“Young lady, why are you here?” he asked. “Office time is over.” I said, “Sir, I’m waiting for my husband to come and pick me up.” JRD said, “It is getting dark and there’s no one in the corridor. I’ll wait with you till your husband comes.”
I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely uncomfortable. I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing. There wasn’t any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, “Look at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee.” Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, “Young lady, tell your husband never to make his wife wait again.”
In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused. Gently, he said, “So what are you doing, Mrs. Kulkarni?” (That was the way he always addressed me.) “Sir, I am leaving Telco.” “Where are you going?” he asked.
“Pune , Sir. My husband is starting a company called Infosys and I’m shifting to Pune.” “Oh! And what will you do when you are successful.” “Sir, I don’t know whether we will be successful.” “Never start with diffidence,” he advised me. “Always start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society. Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the best.” Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive. Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, “It was nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he’s not alive to see you today.” I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person, he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must have received thousands of letters every day. He could have thrown mine away, but he didn’t do that. He respected the intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.
Close to 50 per cent of the students in today’s engineering colleges are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see how the company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.
My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the same vastness and magnificence.
(Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social development initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayan Murthy is her husband.)
An interesting observation of a shopkeeper who thought of teaching a Positive lesson in life to a child. Teaching Positivity at the age of 6…
A 6-year boy was in the market with his 4-year old sister. Suddenly the boy found that his sister was left behind.He stopped and looked back. His sister was standing in front of a toy shop and was watching something with great interest. The boy went back to her and asked, “Do you want something?”
The sister pointed at the doll. The boy held her hand and like a responsible elder brother, gave that doll to her. The sister was very very happy… The shopkeeper was watching everything and getting amused to see the matured behaviour of the boy… Now the boy came to the counter and asked the shopkeeper, “What is the cost of this doll, Sir?!” The shopkeeper was a cool man and had experienced the odds of life. So he asked the boy with a lot of love & affection,“Well, What can you pay?” The boy took out all the shells that he had collected from sea shore, from his pocket and gave them to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper took the shells and started counting as if he were counting the currency. Then he looked at the boy. The boy asked him worriedly,“Is it less?” The shopkeeper said, “No, No… These are more than the cost. So I will return the remaining.”Saying so, he kept only 4 shells with him and returned the remaining. The boy very happily kept those shells back in his pocket and went away with hissister.
A servant in that shop got very surprised watching all these. He asked his master,
“Sir! You gave away such a costly doll just for 4 shells???”
The shopkeeper said with a smile,“Well, for us these are mere shells. But for that boy, these shells are very precious.And at this age of 6 he does not understand what money is, but when he will grow up, he definitely will. And when he would remember that he purchased a doll with the Shells instead of Money, he will remember me and think that world is full of Good people. It will help him develop a positive attitude and he too in turn will feel motivated to be good.”
Whatever emotion you infuse into the world; it will further spread. If you do good, goodness will spread. If you do bad, negativity will spread.Realize you are a very powerful source of energy.Your good or bad will come back to you magnified. Not in the ways you want it, and probably not in the ways you can understand it. But it will come back.
Failure is Simply One More Opportunity to Begin … Once Again, more intelligently
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
~ Thomas A. Edison
How do we measure ‘good parenting?’ What yardstick do we use to say, ‘that’s a really good parent!’ The number of trophies they bring home? The A’s on their report cards? 350 marks? How well-behaved they are? How articulate they are?
What, really, is the measure of a good parent?
I came across a phrase that really resonated with where I am as a parent, “If parenthood came with a GPS, it would mostly say: RECALCULATING.” That’s how it feels like everyday to me. Parenting is sneaky. At one point, you really think you got it covered. Other times, you find yourself questioning even your most basic move. Parenting, to me, is a journey of growth, in which you discover more about yourself than about your children. It is a journey wrought with pleasant and sometimes not-so-pleasant surprises along the way.
As a parent.Learning.Never.Ever.EVER.Stops.
So. I experienced one of those ‘ GPS re-calculating’ moments the other day, when I went to pick my son from school. He had stayed late for Tae kwon do practice. I was a few minutes early, so I sat next to this distinguished looking elderly lady, who had a disarming smile and an enviable air of calm about her. Within minutes, we were chatting up about our ‘amazing’ children, and the Tae kwon do tournament that had just ended the previous weekend. My son had done pretty well, and I was still riding on the high of that victory.
I was feeling like a pretty good parent.
Just as I was about to launch into a long discourse about how incredibly well he had done, she remarked, rather casually, ‘‘ my grandson was disqualified in the first round.” Startled (and a little ashamed of myself), I turned to look at her. She had this serene look on her face, her eyes full of love and admiration. “Well,” she went on with a smile, “the next tournament is coming up next month, and I know he will give it his best shot.”
Suffice it to say, my discourse on my son’s performance came to a grinding halt.
You see, many times when I have that look of love and admiration on my face, it is when my son has done pretty, pretty well. Her quiet admission, stated with such confidence and finality, sent my parenthood GPS whizzing back to ‘recalculation’ mode. In her wisdom, probably spanning over years of failures and victories, this beautiful grandma knew that her 7 year old’s stint in Tae kwon do was just the start of many failures, and many victories that will prepare him for life. To her, this was a very small and necessary part of the journey of her grandson’s life.
To me, my son’s ‘amazing’ performance was THE measure of my great parenting. Well, they say that we teach what we need to learn most. So, here I am. The one thing that I learned from that encounter was this – I want to teach my son about the beauty of FAILURE.
I would like my son to experience as many opportunities as he needs to fail, in order for him to succeed.
Not a very easy feat, in this competitive, trophy-laden culture.
A culture where we are so sensitive about not ‘damaging’ our kids, that we insist on ‘trophysizing’ everything they do. Gee! My son has a bigger collection of medals and little trophies that he has collected over his short 7 years, than my decades of toiling and sweating through several ‘higher’ institutions of learning!
In this culture, we have come to define success as ‘the avoidance of failure at all costs’. And that is what we are passing on to our children.
In our mistaken definition of a ‘good parent’, we have embraced this notion that good parenting is equal to protecting our children from all harm, including – heaven forbid -the slim possibility that they might fail. By not allowing our children to fail, we are failing our children. By shielding them from temporary pain, we are making them permanent quitters. We seem to have forgotten that without struggle, there can be never be any progress. That our children need to go through embarrassing moments, so they can develop the gift of empathy.
We need to let our children fail, so that they can succeed. How?
Let them go back to school with unfinished assignments, because you will not remind them to do their homework.
Let them show up in school without their homework books and face the consequences, because you are done putting their books back in their bags for them.
Let them (and you too!) live with the discomfort of a smelly room until they figure where that smell is coming from, and clean out the left-over pizza they ‘forgot’.
Let them come home after a long tiring trip, and find their rooms as messy as they left them.
Let them carry to school that weird looking project that took them the whole weekend to put together – a box-house whose walls keep caving in – because, like my grandma friend says, it is not the end result, but the effort, that counts. And because next time they will try harder to make their project more perfect and learn great lessons in the process.
Oh! And this is a hard one for me. Let them go back to school with sentences that are wrongly constructed and wrongly spelt! (I need to remember that I’m not the one being tested… Sigh).
Let them color outside the lines.
Let them write the D with the ‘stomach’ facing up.
You see, teachers have gone through specialized training to help the kids in a systematic way to learn how to write a D. And to color within the lines. Training which you haven’t been through. Let the teacher do their work, so you can in turn do your job as a parent.
And this one is for mums – let your children fall off their bikes – it is the only way they will learn!
And for the daddies. Go easy on your kids. Let them know failure is acceptable.
Why?
Because – the greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall (Ralph Waldo Emerson).
Your job as a good parent is to walk with them. Not over failure. Not around failure. But through their failure.
To the other end.
Ref : https://carolynescorner.wordpress.com/2016/06/06/teaching-children-to-fail/
*Slow down mummy*
Slow down mummy, there is no need to rush, slow down mummy, what is all the fuss? Slow down mummy, make yourself a cup of tea. Slow down mummy, come spend some time with me.
Slow down mummy, let’s pull boots on for a walk, let’s kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk. Slow down mummy, you look ever so tired, come sit and snuggle under the duvet and rest with me a while.
Slow down mummy, those dirty dishes can wait, Slow down mummy, let’s have some fun – bake a cake ! Slow down mummy, I know you work a lot, but sometimes mummy, it’s nice when you just stop.
Sit with us a minute, and listen to our day, spend a cherished moment, because our childhood won’t stay !
*To all the hard working and wonderful moms who are veritably God’s Gift to Humanity !!!*
Once , there was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father wanted to teach him a lesson in his own way. He gave him a BAG OF NAILS and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
FIRST DAY, the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence as he lost temper 37 times. Next day he nailed 28 times. Third day it reduced to only 15. Over the next few weeks, as he LEARNED TO CONTROL HIS ANGER, the number of nails hammered daily gradually reduced.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that THE BOY NOW PULLS OUT ONE NAIL FOR EACH DAY THAT HE WAS ABLE TO HOLD HIS TEMPER.
The days passed and the boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. Remember dear son – When you say things in anger, they LEAVE A SCAR just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.”
LIFE LEARNINGS from this Story
The problem with losing our temper on a daily basis is that it becomes a habit. And like most habits, a time arrives when it becomes a second nature. Personal relationships start unraveling, our credibility decreases as we become known as “a loose cannon.” Hurtful words unleashed in a single minute of anger have led to many a broken relationship built over many years.
Words are like arrows; once released, they are impossible to retrieve. So choose yours with care. The days slip into weeks, the weeks into months and months into years. Pretty soon it’s all over and we are left with nothing more than a heart filled with regret over a life half lived.
Life is too short to waste in meaningless pursuits and unnecessary talk. It does not matter how long one lived rather how one lived is more of great consequence to reach that age. It’s more important that it should be more fulfilling and meaningful.
OUR LIFE OBJECTIVE: We should always become better than our previous selves and this pursuit should go on forever.
Hell and Heaven are only the states of mind.
Medically when we get angry with others, we lose our balance, our blood pressure rises and limbs tremble. By being angry, irrespective of the situation around us, punishment is meted out to us in the form of anger. We are responsible for our state. George Bernard Shaw was asked on his death bed, “What would you do if you could live your life over again? He reflected, then with a deep sigh: “I’d like to be the person I could have been but never was.”
Failure is Simply One More Opportunity to Begin…
….Once Again, more Intelligently
PIW – Parent Induced Wastefulness…. (Don’t) take it easy!
When parents strive to give their children the best of everything at an early age, they are sowing seeds for materially insatiable monsters that are prone to sloth, apathy, avarice and fear.
Don’t stand in self- defense as yet. I have proof. As I sit in my counselor’s chair day after day, I encounter an altogether a new disorder that I have come to label as- *Parent Induced HB Wastefulness* (PIW).
Here are a few examples:
26-year-old Manas does not want to finish his Engineering degree because he does not ‘feel like’ studying. But he harasses his parents every day for money. He tells me that whenever he did not feel like doing any particular activity, his parents told him he can quit. They always said they did not want him to get ‘stressed’ like they were when growing up.
34-year-old Raghav is a qualified Engineer and is married for 2 years but his wife is not ready to live with him hence the counseling. He is qualified alright but refuses to stick to any job as it makes him feel stressed! Every two months he runs back home from work and wants his parents to solve his problem like they did every time he refused to go to school.
28 years old Anjali does not want to go back to her one-year-old marriage because it is too much for her to work in the office and then look after the household. She wants her mother to come and live with her and do the household work.
There are many but all originating in overzealous parents wanting to protect their children from even the smallest discomfort in childhood. You love them alright, but when you shell them from the adversities of life, what you are doing is bringing them up in a sterile environment. The result- the moment they are exposed to the world their immunity buckles up and they stand threadbare wanting to run away from everything that is anything but comfortable.
They have to live in this very world and away from you. Do you really love them? Or do you love yourself more? If it is them, then you would ensure to make them future ready- let them face, talk to them, provide support, but let them face- housework, studies, bullying and adversities. Tell them money is limited and let them learn to hear a lot of ‘NO’- That’s what makes them- FUTURE READY
One day, I was so angry, that I left home, swearing not to return, till I became a big guy. Parents, who can’t even buy me a Bike, have no rights to dream to make me an Engineer. In my fit of anger, I didn’t even realise that I was wearing my father’s Shoes. I even stole his wallet, which had some papers, torn as well, which my mother won’t seen…
While, I was rushing on foot towards the bus station, I realised some prickly pain in my foot. I also felt dampness inside the shoe. That is when I realised the shoe had a hole underneath.
There were no buses around. Not knowing what to do, I started to look in my Dad’s wallet. I found a loan receipt of Rs. 40,000, which he taken from his office. A laptop bill (he had bought for me). To my utter shock, also found a letter from his manager to wear a neat looking shoes, henceforth to the office. I remembered my mother pestering him to buy a pair of new shoes, but he would convince her that his shoes would last another six months atleast.
Also, found an old scooter to a new bike, Exchange offer letter in his wallet.
I instantly remembered, that when I left home, my Dad’s scooter was not there.
I started feeling weak in my legs, and felt like weeping uncontrollably!. I ran back home with my foot paining, only to find my Dad nor the scooter there. I found him at the exchange offer place.
Looking at my Dad, my grief engulfed me. I hugged him tightly and started crying loudly, said “Dad I don’t need the Bike”.
That is when I realised, the pain, hardship our parents go through, and the unconditional love that they give us. We should only look to seek our needs and not our unrealistic wants.
Ridiculing parents when they are alive, and longing for them when they are not around, has no meaning..
Kindly tell this story to your children to help them identify and develop human values in them.
“Sibling rivalry is very common. It’s very easy for a child to feel he is loved lesser than his other sibling”.
Here are some tips on how can parents increase sibling love.
Teach children the importance of Unconditional Love.
Teach them to be a team – Give their “tag-team” a specific name. Make them work as a team.
Let them give advice to each other. – Never over-correct the advice. Let them explore and understand the importance of giving truthful advices.”
- Teach them to defend each other. – Protecting each other gives a great sense of security.
- Encourage them to share secrets among themselves. It’s a good sign if they don’t tell these secrets to the parents. It creates positive connect.
- Encourage them to make each other laugh and too cheer up each other.
- Teach them to listen to each other. Don’t be in a hurry to behave big. Listen to each other, even if it sounds stupid.. It’s essential to listen.
- After fights, teach them to forget the issue immediately and pick up from where they left.
- Teach them to be each other’s supporter. They might not understand each other’s mind set, but by supporting the other they will understand the power of team work.
- Teach them never to gossip or hurt each other publicly.. It’s essential they feel proud of the other in public, shower appreciation to others and never let any negativity out.
Having siblings is a big advantage. It’s essential that children are taught this at a very young age. It increases their team work capacity, their ability to love and makes them confident to battle the world, that they have a backing.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in- law, and four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped, the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in- law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about Grandfather, ” said the son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. Moral: Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child’s future. Let’s be wise builders and role models. Because Children are our future. Life is about people connecting with people, and making a positive difference. Take care of yourself, … and those you love, … today, … and everyday!
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.
SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.
SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour.”
SON: “Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON:“Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?”
The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room. The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs.50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.” Are you asleep, son?” He asked.
“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy. “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier” said the man. Here’s the Rs.50 you asked for.”
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you daddy!” He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. “Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the father grumbled.”Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.
“Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”
………………
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
A reminder to all of us working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts……..
Derek Redmond – When you don’t give up, you cannot fail! For over a century, the Olympics have been the pinnacle of success for any athlete in the world. Some of them create history by setting new world records and achieving the impossible; but there are quite a few who lose and yet they win the respect and admiration of millions worldwide. Derek Redmond is one such athlete who took the Olympic Spirit to a Level that will never be surpassed.
Derek Redmond participated at the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona, Spain, with the desire to have the gold medal. After dealing with a series of injuries and illness, he started with a fresh and winning spirit and reached the semi-finals. But the destiny betrayed him once again – in the mid way of the semi-final event, he tore his hamstring. He tried to push himself but the excruciating pain could not let him move ahead. He sat on the track and started crying; his Olympic dreams came to a crashing end.
Medical personnel arrive to help Derek off of the track with a stretcher. Redmond pushes them away and decides to finish his 400 meter race. Slowly, he rises and hops his way toward the finish line, where the rest of the runners have already finished. Later in an interview Derek tells the reporter: “Everything I had worked for was finished. I hated everybody. I hated the world. I hated hamstrings. I hated it all. I felt so bitter that I was injured again. I told myself I had to finish. I kept hopping round. Then, with 100 meter to go, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was my old man.”
His father Jim emerged from the crowd and entered the ground to console his injured son. Jim had pushed his way from the back of the stadium to help his son off the field. Derek told his father that he was going to finish, no matter what. Without arguing Jim supported his son, both mentally and physically, as the two finished the last 100 meters. Jim let Derek cross the finish line himself, but afterward rejoined him in a tearful embrace.
That race will forever be in the memories of thousands, not for who won or who lost, but for the amazing courage and spirits of Derek and Jim Redmond.
Sometimes our biggest weakness can become our biggest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study Judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese Judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn’t understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
“Sensei,” the boy finally said, “Shouldn’t I be learning more moves?”. “This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you’ll ever need to know.” – the sensei replied.
Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
“No,” the sensei insisted, “Let him continue.”
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
“Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?”
“You won for two reasons,” the sensei answered. “First, you’ve almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.”
The boy’s biggest weakness had become his biggest strength. Sometimes our biggest weakness can become our biggest strength.
Calm Parenting
Short-Circuiting Your Anger
“When you try to manage your child’s behavior instead of your own anxiety, what you’re saying is, ‘I’m out of control. I need you to change so that I can feel better”.
Here’s a secret: when you get yourself under control, your kids will also usually calm down. Remember, calm is contagious—and so is anxiety. When we as parents are nervous or anxious, it’s been proven that it creates anxiety in our kids.
To keep your cool going forward, follow these ground rules:
- Ask the right question
When a child is being difficult and your temper is about to flare, try following this: Instead of thinking, Why is he doing this to me?, focus on the child; he’s probably acting out for a reason. Is he hungry, bored, tired, or in need of attention? Try to meet his need instead of letting your anger get the best of you.
- Keep an anger journal
that documents when you lose your cool. Look for patterns — what time of day do you get angriest? Under what circumstances? Once you identify those anger ‘flash points’ in your life, brainstorm ways to minimize them. You can even get your kids in on the act: Say, “It irritates me when you ignore your chores — how can we make this a better situation?” By giving your kids a voice, you’re empowering them to be part of the solution.
- Minimize marriage spats
“In a calm moment, you and your spouse should agree to handle your next argument differently”. “Give yourselves permission to walk away if you’re getting too angry in front of the kids. Develop a code word for when you are getting really mad, and let that signal that you’ll discuss the issue later, in private, when you’re calmer.”
- Talk through your emotions
out loud when you’re with your kids and a stranger annoys you. “Say, Wow, that person just cut me off — how rude! But maybe there’s an emergency she had to deal with, or she just didn’t see me. Whatever the case, I’m not going to let it ruin my day’. By doing this, you’re modeling how to handle life’s everyday frustrations — and how to control your anger before it controls you.
- Realize what you aren’t responsible for.
There’s confusion for many parents as to what we’re really responsible for and what we’re not responsible for. And so if you feel responsible for things that really don’t belong in your “box”—things like him getting up on time or having his homework completed—it will result in frustration. They don’t belong in your box—they belong in your child’s box. If you always think you’re responsible for how things turn out, then you’re going to be on your child in a way that’s going to create more stress and reactivity. So you can say, “I’m responsible for helping you figure out how to solve the problem. But I’m not responsible for solving the problem for you.” If you feel like you’re responsible for solving your child’s problems, then he’s not going to feel like he has to solve them himself. So already you’re going to be calmer with that kind of thinking In the long run, standing up for yourself will help you be the leader your kids need.
- Take a breath.
Take a deep breath when you feel yourself escalating—and take a moment to think things through. There is a big difference between responding and reacting. When you respond, you’re actually taking some time to think about what you want to say. When you react, you’re just on autopilot. As much as possible, you want to respond thoughtfully to what your child is saying or doing. Make sure that you take that deep breath before you respond to your child because that moment will give you a chance to think about what you want to say.
- Keep some slogans in your head.
Say something to yourself every time you feel your emotions rising. It can be anything from “Stop” or “Breathe” or “Slow down” to “Does it really matter?” or “Is this that important?” Whatever words will help you, take that moment and go through a list of priorities. Working on that will increase your ability to be able to go there more automatically.
Homework and Bedtime Arguments: Tips for Calmer Nights with Kids
“Why can’t I get my kids to get their homework done and off to bed without the constant screaming, bickering, and crying?” If you’ve asked yourself this question regularly, you’re not alone. Homework and bedtime battles are some of the most nerve-wracking, exhausting moments of parenthood. No wonder. When everyone is coming home tired and cranky, homework and getting ready for bed are prime fodder for arguments.
- Hold a Quick Family Meeting.
Begin the process on a weekend by calling a family meeting. Let your children know that after school time, right up through bedtime, is going to run differently from now on. Keep it simple and let them know the goal: to get as much completed before bedtime with as little stress as possible. You can say, “We’re going to try something different starting tomorrow after school so things work better for all of us.”
- Set Expectations and Consequences.
Establish rules for what has to get accomplished as soon as your children get home from school. For kids of all ages, this can include putting shoes away, emptying lunch boxes and water bottles, and setting up their homework at their study space. Tell them ahead of time what the consequences will be if they don’t do their chores, and be sure to follow through.
- No Screens.
Watching TV or playing video games when first arriving home from school make it difficult to begin homework or chores and should be eliminated from the afterschool ritual. So does having access to other electronics (phones, tablets, etc.).Have a basket handy where all electronics go as soon as your child walks in the door. When you want your child to have their electronics returned or to be able to watch TV is a personal choice. Just be clear that permission to use the phone during a break involves a specific time limit and then the phone goes back in the basket.
- Allow Decompression Time.
Allow your kids a certain amount of time to decompress, but make sure the amount of time is decided upon prior to when “down time” starts. If your child has a lot of energy, a 15-minute bike ride can help release it. If your child is tired, a snack may be the answer. Just remember to stick to the agreed upon time limit.
- Divide Homework into Doable Sections.
Homework should begin after decompression time so that it doesn’t interfere with bedtime. For kids of all ages this tends to be a challenge, so breaking homework up into doable sections can help. Some parents find it helpful to have their kids divide their homework into sections: what they want to start on immediately after school, what they wish to work on after chores or dinner, and if necessary, what to finish up later in the evening, after they shower or complete an extracurricular activity.
Some children need breaks in between assignments. For younger children, set the timer (15 minutes is usually good) and explain that once the timer goes off, they have to sit back down and continue. Older kids can set their own breaks, but make sure that break doesn’t turn into an hour on the phone. - Set up Mom or Dad’s “In Basket”.
Have another basket or a small area set aside for kids to put anything that has to be turned in the next day or later in the week. All permission slips, envelopes for money for field trips or the cafeteria, notes from teachers or coaches, or information about upcoming events get placed here. After dinner each night, review what’s in the basket and organize accordingly with each child. This will help ward off frantic early morning searches for that note from the teacher.
- After Dinner, Focus on the Morning.
If homework still needs to be completed, continue enforcing the “no electronics, no distractions” rule. For younger children, it may be time to start getting ready for bed. But no matter what, for everyone it’s time to get ready for the next morning. Completed homework goes into backpacks, along with school books and signed permission slips. Once these are in order, backpacks get placed by the front door.
- Establish Bedtime and “Get Ready” Time.
Devise a nighttime sleep plan that you commit to adhering to each school night. This includes setting an expectation about what time is bedtime, and that getting ready begins around 30-45 minutes before your child is in bed. If your child has trouble falling asleep, stay calm and stick to your plan, telling them that you expect them to go to bed and stay there. For teens, set an expectation about their bedtime by saying something like: “I’d like to see you in bed by 10:30. Let’s talk about how much homework you still have to finish up.”
Tips for calm evenings—after school through bedtime
Healing stories for challenging behavior – Impatient Zebra
This story is about an impatient zebra who has to learn to wait for his black stripes.
Little brown Zebra was not happy .He didn’t want to have brown furry stripes like all the baby zebras. He wanted to have black stripes like his mother and father and all his older brother and sister. He thought about this all day long. His mother would get cross with him as he never seemed to be concentrating properly on important things like the best grasses to eat and how to sniff the air and tell if lion was close by. Instead he would mope around his singing impatient song:
I’m a little zebra and I’m feeling so down;
My stripes should be black, but they are all brown.
Little Brown Zebra decided he was going to find a way to turn his brown stripes into black. He tried rolling in a black mud and rubbing his stripes against a burnt out tree. But he ended up with very sore patches all over his back. So he continued to mope around singing his favorite impatient song.
Some months later, while he was standing on the river bank, he was surprised to see his stripes to be the same colour as his mother’s.’What has happened to me?’ he asked his mother. She smiled and whispered into his ear, ‘You have grown. You are not a little Zebra anymore’.
Little Zebra now realized all he had to do to turn his brown stripes into black one was to GROW!
He galloped and gamboled round in circles singing a new song:
I’m a growing Zebra and I’m happy to say,
my Zebra stripes are black today!
With the school year now underway, students and parents are again becoming concerned with classes, notebooks and pencils. But a new school year often brings back a far greater concern: bullying.
Bullying Can Happen Anywhere
Today, bullying is as prevalent as ever, perhaps even more so. The reason behind this is that today’s “anywhere” includes not only the playground at lunchtime,
Because bullying is so difficult to escape, now is the time to talk to your child about how to handle a bully if faced with one. It’s also the time to talk with your child if you suspect he is a bully.
- Stay calm and alert. Consider the options and do nothing to escalate the situation.
- Walk away. Fighting isn’t worth it. You do not have to prove yourself by fighting.
- Take a non-violent stand. Speak respectfully: “I don’t want to fight you.”
- Report it to authorities, but discuss with them how you will be protected from retaliation.
- Get away. Find safety or call for help.
Five Ways to Prevent Bullying
Conversely, parents often do not learn that their children are bullying other kids until they get a phone call from school or another child’s parents. If you suspect that your child is picking on others, here are some ways to intervene:
- Notice if your child lacks empathy, dominates others, is selfish or refuses to accept responsibility. This could be a warning sign of bullying tendencies.
- If your child ever engages in bullying acts, he should apologize to the victims and undo any damage, such as replacing stolen or destroyed property.
- Make sure your child doesn’t hang out with other bullies who may be influencing his behavior. If he does, encourage new friendships.
- Help your child understand that physical or emotional abuse is never acceptable.
- Talk to your child, other parents, and teachers about what is going on. The more you know about your child’s everyday activities, the better you can prevent at-risk behavior.
When parents talk to their children about how to handle bullying, they are better equipping their children to handle volatile situations on their own. By discussing problems before they escalate, conflicts can be resolved and school life can work for everyone.
It all started one lazy Sunday afternoon in a small town near Toronto in Canada. Two school-going friends had a crazy idea. They rounded up three goats from the neighbourhood and painted the number 1, 2 and 4 on their sides. That night they let the goats loose inside their school building.
The next morning, when the authorities entered the school, they could smell something was wrong. They soon saw goat droppings on the stairs and near the entrance and realized that some goats had entered the building. A search was immediately launched and very soon, the three goats were found. But the authorities were worried, where was goat No. 3? They spent the rest of the day looking for goat No.3. There was panic and frustration. The school declared a holiday for the students. The teachers, helpers and the canteen boy were all busy looking for the goat No. 3, which, of course, was never found. Simply because it did not exist.
We are all like those folks in the school – we may have our own goats, but are obviously looking for the elusive, missing, non-existent goat No.3. So instead of making the most of what we have and focusing on our strengths, we worry about the missing piece – our shortcomings.
Our mind is so programmed to see the things to completion, a continuity and a carry forwardness. If this is denied then the program gets messed up. An absence of something is always larger than presence of something.
Kindly help your children to appreciate what they have too!!!!
Do the best you can with what you have and be grateful for what you get. Success and happiness will come your way.
Stop worrying about goat No. 3!
There are many who hold,
as I do, that the most
important period of life
is not the age of university
studies, but the first one,
the period from birth
to the age of six.
For that is the time
when man’s intelligence itself,
his greatest implement,
is being formed.
~ Maria Montessori~
“Look at our have baby; sleeping like an angel. The eyelids covering her beautiful eyes, the button nose, the tiny, pink mouth; looks so adorable when she yawns. And those small fists curled up, like she has a few tricks hidden in them. You know what amazes me, when I look at Akira sleeping? For someone so small and helpless, it’s amazing how she manages to get whatever she wants; whenever she wants it!”
“That’s so true, my dear. She has managed to make our world revolve around her, isn’t it?! I used to be such a sound sleeper and yet, now, I wake up a few seconds even before she starts crying for her feed.”
“Oh yes. She has you wrapped around her little finger. She’s worked her magic on you in these few days. Even I couldn’t do it in all these years!”
“Ha-ha. I am her favorite person now because she knows me from when she was inside me, I guess. And of course, I am her only source of food! But don’t look so sad. Soon those tiny hands will reach out to you too.”
Creating a new life is an overwhelming experienced! An impermeable cloak of protective behavior envelops every single notion and action surroundings this amazing life event. The mere mention of the word ‘baby’ conjures up images of absolute beauty and utter vulnerability.
Despite being a seemingly defenceless small person your baby has some exceptional powers. Nature equips babies with the basic kit for survival. You will be surprised that the tiny fertilised egg, right from inception, contains all the potential of the tiny bundle of joy that is being formed. Just as a tiny seed holds all needless to say, the responsibility of nurturing this precious bundle falls on you, the parents. Here’s a tip-off! A blend of ‘Nature’ and ‘Nurture’ holds the mantra to prepared parenting. Sounds easy, right? However, before you fly away on the wings of this new-found knowledge, reflect on the fact that you are the keepers of those powers. Knowing how Nature prepares this miraculous creation will make the parenting journey a fulfilling, spiritual experience.
Consider this; at the time of birth, the baby larynx or sound box is placed high in the throat above the esophagus to avoid chances of the baby choking. Over 3 months, the larynx drops down creating space for it to move and make the sounds vital to human language. However, your new born can cry lustily and draw attention whenever she wants her care-givers to tend to her, be it for feeding, changing or simply for some cuddle time. Soon enough, your baby will be able to do more than just cry in order to get your attention. She will wave her arms at you, babble or even just smile. The smile will definitely enslave you to her whims and wishes and have you dancing to her tunes!
Just like how growing to love her parents is a natural process for your child, so is utilising the essential powers bestowed upon her by nature. This part of her mind which drives the instinctive force of life is called the Horne, meaning impulse or impetus.
Your baby, with latent survival powers, is in transit from the internal physical gestation to an exogestation that will prepare her for the new realm she has come into. During gestation, within the womb of the mother, repeated fission of the single fertilised cell results in growth and eventually a baby is created in over 40 weeks. After completing her physical development to a great extent in the womb, she is now ready for ‘physical development’, bulking up on the raw materials from her environment in the form of sounds, smell, touch and feelings.
Between birth and 6 years your baby tugs at anything that is in her vicinity, and it’s not just the physical objects around her. She draws in the love, the touch, the language and the culture with her senses, just like a sponge. In the beginning, her supine position and limited range of movement with hands and legs will allow her very little exposure to the environment, but she is eager and ready for more. She uses her hands and senses as the tools to feed her very special mind, called the absorbent mind. As the months pass, she will turn and crawl and she will gain access to many more things in the world around her, owing to her inner powers.
Just like the sponge, which does not differentiate between clean water and dirty water, neither does your baby’s mind. The absorbent mind in the initial stages cannot differentiate between which experience or impressions to take and which to negate.
This brings the parents in the limelight, so to say! Everything done or said by you is being absorbed by your baby. While this ensures that the good things like culture, family traditions, language etc are being automatically imbibed by your baby for use in the future, even your slip-ups and bad habits are being closely watched! Having dinner while watching television and gadget over use could be constructed as acceptable if the parents are seen indulging in these practices. On the other hand, the positive side of this wonderful phase is that you can deliberately focus on certain rewarding activities like:
*Reading books: In a home where the parents read, the children will definitely take to reading.
* Playing a sport: If you are in the habit of playing any sport, make sure you continue playing in front of your baby, despite the extra demands on your time due to the baby’s arrival.
* Pursuing a hobby: When children watch their parents paint, sing, dance or event knit, be aware, they are making a mental note!
* Upkeeping culture and traditions: Children grow up unconsciously absorbing the distinctive customs and the traditions that exist in the family; even how courtesy is practiced in the home. For example, being respectful towards domestic help or towards the people who work and help us or helping the spouse with housework, is a lesson being learnt by your child from you.
* Interpersonal skill: Your child’s social skills will depend on how you go about your social life. They learn the basic of being a social being from you. Likewise, the case with the use of gadgets, children imitate their first and strangest role models, you!
All the impressions made on the supple, accepting mind of the baby ae stored as memories. This unconscious memory, called Mneme is the permanent storehouse of all the impressions relating to environment, language, movement, culture and intellect, but she is in possession of the immense absorbent mind, using which she develops the Horme and the Mneme built on the innumerable impressions that she imbibes. As she turns 3, she begins to consciously take in the impressions with focus and concentration owing to the budding intellect that is slowly being crated within her. The Horme and Mneme are vast powers and volumes can be written about them. We shall talk about the Horme and Mneme a bit more in another chapter.